Resolving Conflict: Simple Steps To Overcome Issues And Problems

In any workplace, resolving conflict is almost unavoidable. As managers or team leaders, we often describe it as “firefighting.” Someone isn’t complying, another person seems uncooperative, and tension builds. Most of the time, we focus only on the external behavior — who did not follow, who refused to cooperate, and who is being “difficult.”

But have you ever thought of looking deeper?
In Chinese Metaphysics, BaZi gives us a unique perspective. When someone consistently creates problems at work — or even when we ourselves feel stuck in recurring patterns — the answers may lie in the structure of the BaZi chart. This article follows up from our earlier post on “How To Master People Management With Surprising Results.” If you haven’t read it yet, please proceed and then return to this page.

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What Does “Unhealthy Structure” Mean?

In BaZi (Four Pillars of Destiny), every person has a chart. This chart shows their natural tendencies, strengths, and challenges. Therefore, when resolving conflicts, the issue is not always about attitude. It may come from the person’s structure in their BaZi chart.

If a person’s main profile (or structure) is more than 90%, we term this an unhealthy structure. As a result, it creates an imbalance. When there is an imbalance, stress and problems appear more easily in daily life and at work.

In BaZi (Four Pillars of Destiny), every person has a chart. This chart shows their natural tendencies, strengths, and challenges. Therefore, when resolving conflicts, the issue is not always about attitude. It may come from the person’s structure in their BaZi chart.

With an unhealthy structure, the person may become unbalanced in their thoughts or actions. For example:

• They may insist that only their way is the right one.
• They may struggle to adapt to changes.
• You may even feel the same traits in yourself.
• Some may appear uncooperative or “difficult.”
• The staff member constantly feels stressed and pressured.

The good news is, once you recognize this, you can take steps to balance the structure. Chinese Metaphysics always gives us ways to manage and solve these challenges.

Influence – Supporters “Unhealthy” Structure > 90%

If your Supporter structure is more than 90%, you may face the following challenges when resolving conflicts:

• Too Nice to Say No: You may find it hard to push others to do their work. Even as a boss, you hesitate to give clear instructions. Instead, you take on the extra load yourself.
• Avoiding Conflict: You dislike confrontation. You fear offending others, so you choose to remain silent. When given a task, you may say “yes” even when you cannot handle it to avoid conflict.
• Poor Decision-Making: Because you do not want to upset anyone, you often delay or avoid making tough decisions. Therefore, this can make you look weak as a leader.
• Yes Man / Yes Woman: To please everyone, you agree to almost everything. On the surface, people may think you are supportive. But inside, you feel stressed, overloaded, and unappreciated.
• Hidden Complaints: Sometimes, you may not express your frustration directly. You might agree with them in front of others, but then grumble or blame them behind their backs. Therefore, it creates distrust and tension in the workplace.

Think of it like a university group project. If you have a Supporter structure above 90%, you are likely the one who ends up doing all the work, while your teammates contribute little to the effort. Why? Because you are too nice to push them, and you fear conflict.

Resources – Thinkers’ “Unhealthy” Structure > 90%

In BaZi, the Thinker Structure relates to analysis, ideas, and careful planning. When it’s in balance, it helps you think deeply, ask good questions, and create sensible answers. However, when the Thinker Structure exceeds 90%, it becomes bad for you. Thus, this imbalance can create problems in your work, daily life, and in resolving conflicts.

Here’s what usually happens with an Unhealthy Thinker:

• Overthinking everything: You take too long to respond because you are always analyzing your options. Even a simple question can become complicated in your mind.
• Procrastination: Action is delayed. You think so much that you struggle to begin or complete tasks.
• Fear of mistakes and overworrying: You avoid taking responsibility and often try to hide errors. Saving face becomes more important than solving the problem. You may ask yourself many questions in your head, but never raise them to your manager. This creates confusion and wasted effort.
• Poor decision-making: Big decisions feel overwhelming. You hesitate, complain, and struggle to commit.
• Forgetful and careless. You lose important documents or miss deadlines because you are always thinking or having scattered focus.

Imagine giving a task to an unhealthy Thinker. Instead of moving forward, they may spend hours asking “What if?”. But without action, nothing is achieved.

Companion – Connectors “Unhealthy” Structure > 90%

In BaZi, the Connector Structure is about how you connect with people, how you affect them, and how you build relationships. However, when the Connector takes up more than 90% of the chart, the energy becomes unhealthy.

Here’s what can happen with an Unhealthy Connector:

• Manipulative: You know how to influence others, but use it for selfish gain.
• Arrogant and demanding: You expect others to serve your needs first.
• Unstructured: You lack discipline and create confusion for the team.
• Self-centered: You only think: “What’s in it for me?”
• Bullying behavior: You know who is weaker and takes advantage of them. Thus, you push, pressure, or walk over others.

You may have met someone like this at work — the type who looks friendly on the surface but drains the energy of everyone around them. Thus, you might pressure colleagues, demand special treatment, or shift blame onto others. This conduct can make things toxic over time, making it hard to resolve conflicts.

Output – Creators “Unhealthy Structure” > 90%

The Creator Structure in Bazi is about ideas, vision, and innovation. At their best, Creators bring fresh perspectives, big-picture thinking, and out-of-the-box solutions. However, the energy becomes harmful when the Creator profile occupies more than 90% of the BaZi chart. Instead of being inspiring, it becomes difficult to work with and resolve conflicts.

Here are the signs of an Unhealthy Creator:

• Know-it-all attitude. You believe you are always right and others are wrong.
• Highly critical. You judge not only other people’s work, but also their thoughts and suggestions.
• Ego-driven. You see yourself as superior and expect others to follow your way. If others don’t agree, they quickly dismiss them or cut them off.
• Lone Ranger. Because you think no one is as good as you. Thus, you often end up working alone.
• Uncooperative. You reject ideas from the team, believing only your suggestion is the “best” solution.

Unhealthy Creators also tend to isolate themselves. In their mind, nobody else can match their level. Over time, this “superior” mindset makes them lose genuine support from colleagues and friends. Therefore, the problem is not their intelligence. In fact, Creators are often very sharp. The real issue is ego and the inability to blend with others.

Wealth – Managers “Unhealthy Structure” > 90%

The Managers in BaZi are about responsibility, leadership, and taking charge. At their best, Managers are reliable, disciplined, and excellent at getting things done. However, when this structure accounts for more than 90% of the chart, it becomes unhealthy. Instead of strong leadership, it shows up as control and rigidity.

Here are the signs of an Unhealthy Manager:

• Control freak. You want to control everything and everyone.
• Poor delegator. You have difficulty delegating and would rather do it by yourself.
• Over-responsible. You carry too much on their shoulders, even when they don’t have to.
• Perfectionist. You set very high standards and expect everyone to meet them.
• Judgmental. You decide what is good or bad based only on your personal bias.

It may appear that the Creator Structure is similar, but there is a difference. Creators believe only their ideas are the best. However, Managers believe only they can deliver the results.

Both cause friction, but the unhealthy Manager is particularly taxing because they stifle the team’s growth. The truth is, their sense of responsibility is not a weakness. It is simply too much of a good thing. Therefore, with awareness, they can learn to let go, trust others, and focus on what truly matters when resolving conflicts.

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Methods for Identifying and Resolving Conflicts at Work

Now that we’ve gone through the five structures — Supporter, Thinker, Connector, Creator, and Manager — do you see these traits in the people you work with? Or maybe in your team, your children, or even yourself?

When a structure becomes unhealthy, it creates challenges.

• Some people become too nice.
• Some overthink and procrastinate.
• They can turn manipulative or self-centered.
• Some act like lone rangers.
• Some turn into control freaks.

So the big question is: How do you manage this? Do you already have an effective way to deal with people who show these unhealthy traits? Or do you sometimes feel stuck and unsure how to respond?

Whether it is your employees, your children, or even yourself, an unhealthy structure does not mean you are “broken.” It simply means one profile is too strong and needs adjustment. As a result, Chinese Metaphysics always offers ways to mitigate and balance these situations.

Managing the “Unhealthy” Supporters’ Structure (Influence)

When dealing with someone who has an unhealthy Supporter Structure (over 90%), remember this: do not force their hand.

Supporters are naturally nice and helpful, but they can become too permissive when they exceed their over-friendliness. They struggle to say “no” and often avoid conflict. Because of this, you need to approach them carefully.

Here are some simple ways to resolve conflicts and manage them:

1. Do not expect too much. If you pile too many responsibilities onto them, they will get overwhelmed and silently stressed.
2. Never force them. Instead of pushing, guide them gently.
3. Set clear rules. Supporters respect structure. Create clear boundaries, rules, and guidelines. Tell them, “This is the line — don’t cross it.” Once the rules are clear, let them work by themselves.
4. Avoid last-minute changes. Supporters dislike sudden surprises. If you need to change a plan, inform them early. They cannot handle last-minute shifts in rules or systems.
5. Motivate with discipline and order. They will perform best when there is structure, routine, and efficiency.

In short: be firm but kind. Supporters thrive when they know the rules and boundaries. Give them clarity, respect their need for stability, and they will deliver steadily without feeling pressured.

Managing the “Unhealthy” Thinkers Structure (Resources)

The Thinker Structure is careful, detailed, and analytical. When the Thinker Structure exceeds 90%, overthinking becomes their main weakness. They become stuck in analysis, postpone decisions, and frequently procrastinate. To handle them, you must introduce structure and reduce uncertainty.

Here’s how you can find ways to resolve conflicts and manage them effectively:

1. Always have an agenda. Prepare a clear action plan before any meeting or discussion. Keep the discussion short and precise. Don’t allow the talk to drift into long rambling.
2. Define responsibilities and set deadlines. You should explain their roles clearly. Make it clear what their responsibilities are and insist on their commitment to them. Always set deadlines. Without deadlines, they will continue to overthink and procrastinate.
3. Keep a paper trail. Always keep copies of documents, emails, or agreements. Thinkers can be unorganized or forgetful, so you could help them keep organized.
4. Provide support. If possible, assign an assistant to help them stay on track. If not, at least give them a structured checklist or reminders.
5. Cut down their “homework.” Don’t let them spend endless time on research or planning. Give them clear directions. For example: “This is the source. This is the method. Just go and do it.”

With Thinkers, the key is structure and clarity. The less they have to think in circles, the faster they can act.

Remember: extreme Thinkers are not lazy. They are just stuck in their thoughts. By giving them focus, boundaries, and deadlines, you help them turn ideas into real action.

Managing the “Unhealthy” Connectors Structure (Companion)

When the Connector Structure is too dominant, relationships become both their strength and their weakness. They can avoid responsibility, seek approval, or use emotions instead of logic to support their arguments. Therefore, you must establish clear boundaries.

Here’s how to handle extreme Connectors:

1. Enforce responsibility. Set clear expectations for tasks and hold them accountable. Thus, don’t let them pass responsibility to others.
2. Set limits and say “No.” Connectors may push boundaries with requests. Learn to firmly but politely say no when it’s beyond reason.
3. Handle discipline privately. Never criticize them in public — it will damage their sense of “face.” Correct them in a one-on-one setting. Praise them openly, but discipline privately.
4. Focus on facts, not feelings. When discussing issues, stick to logic and data. Connectors may try to sway the conversation with emotions or arguments — don’t get pulled into it.
5. Be clear and consistent. Once you set the rules or boundaries, don’t bend them. Consistency builds respect with Connectors.

Extreme Connectors respect leaders who are firm but fair. Give them recognition when they perform well, but always make sure they carry their share of responsibility.

Managing the “Unhealthy” Creators’ Structure (Output)

When the Creator Structure is extreme, the person is intelligent, quick-thinking, and ego-driven. They love to debate and often try to win arguments by sheer brainpower. If you’re not prepared, they will easily overwhelm you with their sharp reasoning.

Here’s how to deal with Extreme Creators:

1. Be thoroughly prepared. Never enter a discussion without your facts straight. Creators respect those who can match or surpass their intelligence — so do your homework.
2. Outsmart them with strategy. Anticipate their criticism and prepare multiple points in advance. Never give them an opening to dominate the discussion.
3. Use authority when needed. Creators will push boundaries if they sense weakness. Assert your authority firmly — it helps earn their respect.
4. Keep it one-on-one. Avoid debating in front of others. If you lose publicly, you lose credibility. Handle sensitive matters privately, so even if they “win,” you still maintain authority in the eyes of the group.
5. Protect their face. Just like Connectors, Creators care about their image. If you correct them, do it privately. If you acknowledge them, you can do it publicly.

Extreme Creators respect intelligence, preparation, and authority. If you stay sharp and strategic, you can manage them effectively without losing face on either side.

Managing the “Unhealthy” Manager’s Structure (Wealth)

When the Manager Structure is extreme, the person becomes a perfectionist and a control freak. They focus heavily on details, rules, and order, which can be overwhelming for others.

Here’s how to deal with Extreme Managers in resolving conflicts:

1. Don’t take it personally. When they criticize or push for more control, remember — it’s not about you. It’s about the task, the project, and their need for structure.
2. Separate work from personal. They are very clear about drawing the line between business and personal matters. Keep discussions professional and task-focused.
3. Lead by example. They respect authority that shows competence. Be clear, systematic, and consistent.
4. Delegate control wisely. Give them responsibility over areas that need strong discipline or structure. They excel at bringing order to chaos.
5. Use their strength strategically. You could assign them roles where attention to detail and control are essential, such as managing processes, compliance, or streamlining a team.

Therefore, Extreme Managers thrive when they have structure and responsibility. By not taking their intensity and channeling it into the right tasks, you can turn their “control freak” nature into a powerful asset.

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Methods for Managing Based On Their Month Stem

In BaZi, the Month Stem shows how a person expresses themselves in work and leadership. Do note that every element has both strengths and weaknesses. By aligning your management style with their natural energy, you can bring out their best while minimizing challenges.

🌳 Wood (Jia 甲 / Yi 乙)

Strengths: Visionary, growth-oriented, creative leader

Weaknesses: Stubborn, perfectionist, overly rigid in their ideas

Simple Ways on How You Should Be Resolving Conflicts and Managing the Wood:

• Empower with autonomy: Wood people thrive when they can make decisions and chart their own path. Assign them meaningful tasks and let them take ownership of the process.
• Set clear boundaries: They respect structure, but don’t like to feel micromanaged. Define the framework, then step back.
• Encourage flexibility: Since they can be stubborn, you could gently challenge their views and provide alternative views without forcing change.

🔥 Fire (Bing 丙 / Ding 丁)

Strengths: Charismatic motivator, inspiring, enthusiastic

Weaknesses: Impulsive, easily discouraged, quick to act without thinking

Simple Ways on How You Should Be Resolving Conflicts and Managing the Fire:

• Keep the fire alive: Acknowledge their enthusiasm and passion. Never “pour cold water” on their ideas — it kills their drive.
• Provide outlets for expression: Let them lead presentations, brainstorming sessions, or other activities where they can have an impact on others.
• Celebrate progress: They thrive on visible results. Recognize their results, even small ones, to keep their energy high.

⛰️ Earth (Wu 戊 / Ji 己)

Strengths: Dependable stabilizer, reliable, grounded

Weaknesses: Resistant to change, stuck in tradition, slow to adapt

Simple Ways on How You Should Be Resolving Conflicts and Managing the Earth:

• Give stability and security: They perform best when they feel safe and supported. Provide clear expectations and a steady environment.
• Allow time to deliver: Earth types don’t want to be rushed. Set deadlines but allow them enough time for completion.
• Challenge them productively: Earth is like fertile soil — without seeds, nothing grows. Assign tasks that stretch their ability so they can produce results and feel fulfilled.

⚔️ Metal (Geng 庚 / Xin 辛)

Strengths: Analytical strategist, precise, disciplined

Weaknesses: Overly critical, perfectionist (especially Xin Metal), harsh in judgment

Simple Ways on How You Should Be Resolving Conflicts and Managing the Metal:

• Set clear goals and targets: Metals need clarity. Define clear objectives so they know exactly what to aim for.
• Leverage precision: Assign them to quality control, data analysis, or areas that require high accuracy. Their attention to detail is their strength.
• Communicate with care: Harsh remarks hurt Xin Metal alot. Treat them like jewels — polish with encouragement, not criticism.

🌊 Water (Ren 壬 / Gui 癸)

Strengths: Adaptive problem solver, intelligent, resourceful

Weaknesses: Avoidant, evasive, easily distracted

Simple Ways on How You Should Be Resolving Conflicts and Managing the Water:

• Encourage creativity: Water types are natural innovators. Invite them to contribute fresh ideas and new approaches.
• Set expectations clearly: Because they can “flow away” from responsibility, put systems in place with regular check-ins and progress reviews.
• Balance freedom with oversight: Give them space to innovate, but don’t let them operate unchecked. Their adaptability works best when paired with a structured approach.

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Word of Thought

Conflict often comes from unhealthy work patterns and mismatched expectations. When people feel controlled and ignored, problems can grow. Thus, it’s crucial to recognize the unhealthy structures, such as someone being overly strict, excessively controlling, or putting off chores. We can stop taking things personally and resolving conflicts by noticing these patterns.

One practical way to handle this is by looking at a person’s Month Stem element. Each element shows a style of thinking and working. For example, Wood people need space to grow and create. Fire people need encouragement and progress. Earth people want stability and time. Metal people need clear goals and respect. Water people bring fresh ideas, but must stay accountable.

When we adjust our approach to fit their strengths, conflicts reduce and cooperation improves. As a result, managing people is not about labeling them. It is about understanding what drives them and what frustrates them. Thus, with this awareness, leaders can give the right support.

In conclusion, resolving conflict is not about winning or losing. It is about building a team where differences are valued and strengths are used wisely. When you understand both the unhealthy patterns and the month stem element of a person, you can guide them and create a workplace where problems are solved quickly and people grow together.

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